


'Til Kingdom Come

by PanTheMan



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Adventure, Angst, Brotherly Angst, Brotherly Love, Character Bashing, Character Growth, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Falling In Love, Gay Sex, Homophobic Character, Hurt/Comfort, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Multi, Other, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Physical Abuse, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sex, Strength, Suicide Attempt, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-14 19:32:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18482911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PanTheMan/pseuds/PanTheMan
Summary: The war is over but Kagome's abuse has grown. Depression has settled in Inuyasha and makes him believe that no one cares about him. He has become moody and horny and has no idea why. Sesshomaru shows up out of the blue and explains to him that he is going into his first heat and is a danger to everyone around him. This sends him over the edge. Kagome would never take the beads off him, now. He tries to kill himself that night, which was serendipitously the night of the new moon, but Koga saves his life. The wolf also helps him through his first heat a few days later while they are holed up in a cave. One thing leads to another and Koga ends up showing Inuyasha that there is more to life than the hanyo thought. They begin a whirlwind romance and Kagome finds out by following them into the forest after a particularly nasty talking-to by Koga about how she treats Inuyasha and Shippo. She waits for Koga to leave and then sits Inuyasha into oblivion, not caring that it was the night of the new moon and he would be human soon. Her actions put Inuyasha in danger, as he becomes human while still subdued. He is captured and goes missing. One month later, he turns up at the Western Palace running from a pack of wolves.





	1. Death is the Greatest Adventure

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Inuyasha or any characters that I have not made up myself.**  
  


**Excerpt:** Inuyasha's heartbeat sped up when his brother appeared and spoke his name with a questioning tone. His words caught in his throat. He had to say something. Anything. But he felt self-conscious and stupid, now. "I didn't… know where else to go…"  
  
**Story Prompt:** Hero shows up on villain's doorstep, hurt, assaulted, and can barely stand. "I didn't know where else to go…" – I can't find this prompt anywhere so I can't cite it. I chose to do this with Inuyasha and Sesshomaru, though not in a romantic sense. I don't do incest.  
  
**Demon Ages:** Inuyasha - 203. Sesshomaru - 505. Koga - 413. Shippo - 10.  
  
**Story Warnings:** Self harm, suicide attempt, depression, physical and psychological abuse, Kagome bashing, yaoi, smut, rape  
  
**Chapter 1 Warnings:** Self harm, suicide attempt, depression, abuse  
  
****Author's Note:**** This is a love story, an adventure, a coming of age, a huge nod to mental health and LGBTQ, and a story of reconciliation. It has elements of drama, angst, depression, fluff, love, pain, healing, forgiveness, revenge, and maturing. This story already has a lot written but updates will be slow. My writing style has changed a lot over the last two years so I am taking my time with this to write it to my liking. If any of you are following my other stories, I am re-writing them to match my current writing style and will continue them. I have not abandoned any of my stories, even though it sometimes takes me years to update. I apologize for that; the last few years have taken a severe toll on my life and mental health. But I am getting myself back on track, and my muse for story writing is up and running again.  
  
**Thanks for reading! I hope you e** **njoy!**

* * *

The war was over. Naraku was defeated. Peace roamed across Japan. Towns were rebuilding, allies reuniting, treaties were being signed. People were moving on. The well remained open for Kagome and Inuyasha for reasons that were unknown to them. The world was changing as humans and demons fought to live side-by-side harmoniously, which, of course, sparked more war between those who did not want this. There would always be feuds, but at least Naraku and his plague were no more.

The only thing that hasn't changed was the fact that Inuyasha still had his rosary beads around his neck. He hoped Kagome would take them off eventually, but he has been hoping that ever since they began their journey together three years ago. He has proven time and again that he is trustworthy, having saved her life more times than he could count. But she never offered, and he was too afraid to ask. Over time, he had become more complacent, more obedient, more scared of her because every time she sat him, every time he would plummet to the ground, his body and spirit broke. Little by little, a fracture in his psyche became a canyon and his ever-breaking bones and knotting muscles were not given enough time to heal before they were torn all over again. He never told her how much it hurt when she did it because he couldn't bear to reveal just how vulnerable that made him. So he swallowed his pride and took it, but he wasn't sure how much more he could take and he has been losing his patience. He was giving up.

Lately, suicidal thoughts were creeping into his head. She didn't need him anymore; the shards had been collected and the shikon no tama disappeared from this world. Naraku was dead. Inuyasha was no longer important. And yet she kept him around, kept sitting him, kept controlling him, kept abusing him. Why she didn't want to go back to her time, he didn't understand. He wanted to wander and explore but she wanted him to live in town with their little group. He wanted to hunt but she insisted on cooking dinner every night, and grew offended when he said he preferred it raw. Going without raw meat for so long had taken its toll on his body. The one and only thing that kept him going and kept him from running away was Shippo. He worried about what would happen to the little kit if Inuyasha left, or died. But his spirit was draining, and his light was almost out. The pain of living was becoming too much to bear.

To top it off, the miko has been acting weird. Touchy. Clingy. Giving him weird looks. He smelled arousal from her more than a few times and it made him wrinkle his nose. He thought maybe she finally realized her feelings for him, but he wanted nothing to do with her. Especially since he's been feeling funny in the last few weeks. He craved touch, but not from her. He yearned for someone to be with, a companion or even love, but not her. He's been getting spikes of intense arousal, but not for her. Although, he did have to admit to himself that during those spikes, he'd fuck just about anyone to get rid of his painful hard-on, even though he'd never had sex. So not even he was safe from her when that happened. Which was why he kept disappearing, something that was becoming a heated topic between them. She would ask him about it, he'd tell her it was none of her business. She'd yell at him and demand an answer, and he would respond with, "I don't have to tell you everything, you controlling bitch." After which he would be painfully sat.

Today was no different. He relieved himself in a cave in the woods and came back to a very angry miko. "Ah stuff it, Kagome. Not in the mood."

"You're never in the mood to answer me!"

"That's because you ask stupid questions."

"Inuyasha!"

His ears flattened, his shoulders hunched, his muscles bunched up. It was a fear response, one that Sesshomaru saw from afar while landing close to them. He narrowed his eyes. What was that about?

"What?!" Inuyasha shouted at the miko.

"Why do you keep running off and disappearing and WHY are you so secretive about it?!"

Inuyasha relaxed when he realized he wasn't going to be sat, but he was angrier than ever. He felt dirty because of what – or rather, who – he had to think about to jerk off every time his dick decided to harden. "Haven't you ever thought that I might have my own private life, or that it might be because I just don't want to be around you?" he snarled viciously.

Her face contorted in rage. Sesshomaru smelled his brother's fear and heard his heartbeat quicken. Neither of them had noticed him, yet. There were other scents mixed in that the daiyokai did not understand. Shame, disgust, and – oh. Musk. Inuyasha had been aroused and probably just came back from jerking off. The reason why Sesshomaru was there at all was because he had been checking on Inuyasha periodically over the last few years just in case the hanyo went into heat. Heat was something the youth had never experienced before and it was dangerous to all around him, particularly during his first one. Mating season was coming up soon so, just like last year and the years before, he came to make sure Inuyasha did not hurt anyone. He didn't want to care for his idiotic little brother, but his infernal yoki refused to listen to him. And so, by proxy, he did. Somewhat. But he told himself that it was just to ensure that his lands, which were so close to this town, were protected from Inuyasha's uncontrolled heat, whenever that might develop. It appeared that it finally had.

"SIT!"

To Sesshomaru's great surprise and anger, Inuyasha was pulled to the ground with a deafening thud. The word 'sit' must have been spelled to the rosary beads the hanyo had around his neck. Sesshomaru had never seen this before. It enraged him. The daiyokai heard his brother's bones crack and the whine that escaped Inuyasha, a whine only Sesshomaru's hearing could pick up. It pulled at his inner yoki, which begged to scoop up his little brother and hold him tight, something the Lord of the West had been ignoring ever since he met Inuyasha one hundred and ninety-three years earlier.

"Sesshomaru-sama, welcome," Sango the slayer voiced. He turned his head to her. "What brings you here?"

He did not answer her. Instead, he turned his attention back to the miko, who had greeted him and was now staring at him. "What did you just do to him?"

"What – oh, his beads are spelled to subdue him when he gets out of hand. They were put on him by Kaede three years ago and only react to me."

"He did not seem to be out of hand just a moment ago."

Kagome sputtered. "You know how he gets! He's dangerous, and he attacked me multiple times when we first met."

"Defending oneself does not make one dangerous. Has he not proven his trust to you after all this time?"

Kagome was shocked, but changed tactics. "Since when do YOU care? We were allies in defeating Naraku, but you hate him. And I _do_ trust him but he sometimes needs help with the half of him that's yokai."

"How I feel or do not feel about my half-brother is of no concern of yours. If you trusted him, you would release him from that torture device."

Kagome bristled. " _Torture device?_ " she screeched.

Inuyasha finally sat up. He smelled fury rolling off his brother and could not understand it. So he did what he always did when he didn't understand something; he lashed out. "Yeah Sesshomaru, what the fuck are you askin' for? You don't give a shit about me, never have. Go away; no one wants you here." Though he did enjoy the fact that someone else saw the infernal necklace as torture, he was confused that it was Sesshomaru.

The humans glanced back and forth between the two yokai. Sesshomaru showed no emotion whatsoever. "It is of no importance, but simply mere curiosity as I have never seen a human able to control a yokai, or even a hanyo, before. It is despicable."

"Control?!" Kagome squawked. "What is _with_ you two and control? It's about defense! And it is _not_ a torture device, it's for safety!"

Inuyasha shot to his feet, still rubbing his ribs. He'd had enough. "YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DEFEND YOURSELF AGAINST, YOU STUPID WENCH!" he roared. "I have done NOTHING but save your ass time and time again! Sango, Miroku, and Shippo don't have rosary control over me and you don't see me attacking THEM!"

"Because you only have this uncontrollable anger for ME, for some reason! Because of what happened with Kikyo! You wanted to kill me at first!"

He stormed over to her. "Yeah, at FIRST. I really did. Because NARAKU traipsed around as both of us, manipulating us for the stupid jewel that YOU brought back into this world. If this isn't about control, then FUCKING TAKE IT OFF!"

She recoiled away from him but Sesshomaru smelled no fear. She was acting. Pretending that she feared him all so she could keep him on a leash. "No."

"Take. It. Off."

"You're scaring me, Inuyasha! And your eyes are turning red! This is why I have to keep it on! God forbid you ever lose Tetsusaiga!"

"Inuyasha." The hanyo glanced at his half-brother. His eyes were, indeed, tinged red. He must be truly furious for his yoki to rise up even with Tetsusaiga at his hip, the demon lord mused. Although, at maturity was when yoki became a full time part of demons so perhaps this was simply what was happening.

"What?" Inuyasha growled.

Sesshomaru turned his back to his brother. "Come. We have much we need to discuss."

"I'm not going anywhere with you!"

"If you value the lives of your humans, you will do as I say."

"You're THREATENING them?!"

The larger yokai stopped walking and glanced over his shoulder. "Oh no, little brother. They are in no danger from me; they are in danger from you."

There was a stunned silence among the group, even affecting Kagome. Inuyasha actually felt pain from what Sesshomaru said, thinking the older inu was talking about the rosary beads. "What are you talking about?" he asked quietly, feeling betrayed by his brother even though the two hate each other.

"You are going into heat."

Inuyasha blinked. "What?" That wasn't what he thought Sesshomaru meant.

Sango's face morphed into an expression of understanding. "That makes so much sense…"

"What does? What does that mean?" Inuyasha asked her.

"It's a period of a few weeks to a month every year during which most yokai find mates. Yokai go into their first heat when they reach maturity, which differs between the animal or elemental they are. If they aren't looking for a mate, they… well…" Her face went very red.

"They find someone to rut with," Sesshomaru explained with no embarrassment.

Miroku wiggled his eyebrows in Sango's direction. "Shut up, monk! Don't even start!" She turned back to Inuyasha. "It explains why you've been so moody, no judgement attached." She gave her friend an apologetic look.

"Well what the hell!" the hanyo exclaimed, now very confused, very embarrassed, and very angry.

"It is dangerous, especially for the first time. If you wish to keep the matter private from these humans, I suggest you come with me."

"Why are you getting involved? Why should I even believe you?" Inuyasha's hackles were in shambles, but the fine hairs on the back of his neck were not raised. He briefly wondered why his body was not detecting danger.

"Because you are close to my lands and a yokai in first heat can be catastrophic."

"See?! I knew you were still dangerous!" Kagome screeched triumphantly as if the lord of the west just validated her whole argument. She silenced herself at a venomous look from Sesshomaru; obviously he had not been agreeing with her.

"Yokai are dangerous. That does not mean we should be subdued or controlled." Oh how she would pay for what she has done to his brother. He did not need to voice it; knowing what he had in store for her was enough. He glanced back at Inuyasha. "I have no desire to keep your business private so I will say everything here, if you'd prefer."

Inuyasha blanched and hurried toward Sesshomaru.

"You're just gonna trust him? Just like that?!" Kagome shouted after him.

The hanyo shrugged. "Yep." He knew it would piss her off.

"But Inuyasha, the sun will set soon!"

"So?"

"You can't run off with him!"

Sesshomaru held up his claws in her direction, his poison dripping from them. He had no idea what she was going on about, but he did not care. "Silence yourself, girl, or I will do it for you."

Inuyasha followed his brother into the forest until they were far enough from the town. "Okay so if you're not leading me to my death, tell me what the fuck this is all about and how you know what's happening to me."

Sesshomaru turned to face him. He didn't want to tell his brother that he'd been watching for this for years. That was simply too much information, and the daiyokai did not want Inuyasha knowing that he cared, even a tiny bit, for the hanyo that stood before him. "It is mating season. You are finally maturing. You may have had urges before but I am sure that in the last few weeks, it has been relentless, going as far as making you want to relieve yourself in any way possible, even with people you have never been attracted to."

Inuyasha paled. "How – I don't like that you know this about me." He noticed that the sun was starting to set. Normally he'd care very much about that but he found that he didn't right now.

"It is how it affects all yokai, not just you. Believe me," he sneered, "the last thing I want to talk about with you is heat. But as I said before, I must protect my lands and everyone in it. As the days pass, this will become stronger and harder to fight. You _will_ lose control. It is best for the girl to go back to her time."

Inuyasha was shocked, to say the least, and horribly mortified. It took him a few moments to gather his thoughts. How did he know she was from the future? Should he reveal to his former enemy that the well accepted him, too? It was top secret information before, but Sesshomaru did stop trying to kill Inuyasha and his friends after teaming up against Naraku. Besides, he couldn't do anything with that information. It's not like he could get through the well with them. "I don't know how you know that Kagome is from the future – but I can get there, too. So she isn't safe either way."

Well now, wasn't _that_ interesting. "Then you will need to go far away from here, secure yourself in a cave somewhere, and ensure that you cannot escape. Heat becomes so strong that you will likely not be able to control yourself even with Tetsusaiga at your side. You will need release no matter how it is obtained. This is why you must be restrained for it. Next year, it will not be as intense. Someone will need to know where you are and have the ability to control you. I would not suggest the miko as her medieval style of torture would need to be in effect for the duration of your heat. That means being 'sat' every time you get back up." Inuyasha snarled. "Hearing how it cracked your bones earlier, that would kill you. Find another way. Perhaps the monk has a sutra strong enough to contain you. You have roughly one week."

Even though he didn't care about her anymore, it still stung that he was so much of a danger to those around him that even the people from the future weren't safe. Sesshomaru turned to leave but Inuyasha blurted out another question. "Why do you care about what she does to me?" He didn't know why he asked it, but he had to know. Sesshomaru has never shown any interest in him before but to get so angry and almost offended at finding out what Kagome did to Inuyasha… it was startling, but he liked it. Someone finally stood up for him, and it was his half-brother of all people.

The demon lord stilled for a moment, thinking about what to say. His head swiveled and his eyes caught his brother's. "Care is a rather strong word." But it was true, his yoki pressed. He did care. Yes he knew that but he wouldn't dare reveal that to Inuyasha, even though he smelled the hurt rolling off his brother. "It is despicable and outrageous for a human to control yokai."

"Sure sure but why get mad about it?"

Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes. "Just because I care about the action, it does not mean I care about you. Our common enemy is dead. You and I are no longer allies. You are now a danger to my lands. Make sure you lock yourself in a cave. If you know any yokai who would be willing to accompany you, it would help to keep you sane for the few days you will need to be there." And with that, and his little brother's pain choking him, he left on his cloud.

Inuyasha should've known better than to ask that question. He was just so curious, and now regretted it. Depression fell upon him in a tidal wave, suffocating him. No one cared about him. Maybe Miroku and Sango a little, possibly Shippo, but even they never went against Kagome. He honestly couldn't blame them. No one looked up to him. No one cared about what happened to him. No one would miss him. Why even bother going through this heat if no one would help him? If no one would care about him after he got through it? No one would even want to mate with him, a half breed, so why bother? Shippo would be fine without him. It wasn't like the kit needed him, anyway. Inuyasha was _not_ father or even guardian material.

His legs gave way as he sat on the ground, his ears tuning out the sounds of the forest. The sting of tears surprised him but he could not stop them. His tired body heaved as he held in sobs. How long had it been since his brother vanished? He lost track of time. He pulled his left sleeve up, found his vein, and sliced from his wrist to his elbow with one of his claws. He hissed and stifled a groan at the pain but finally found peace for the first time in his life. As his blood gushed out of his body and pooled around him, he watched his claws shrink until they were regular fingernails. His silver hair turned black. His ears shifted to the sides of his head. His senses dulled. He looked up at the almost pitch-black sky, barely able to make out the tree tops above him. Sesshomaru's visit with information about heat and mating, and finding out that he is dangerous to those around him during it no matter what he did, was the straw on the camel's back. It was simply serendipitous that it happened within hours of the night of the new moon, and the only reason why Inuyasha had finally chosen to kill himself. Had he attempted as a hanyo, he would never have succeeded, but he was able to make the cut at the last moment before becoming human. His newfound yoki, something that felt like a being inside of him and yet was just as much a part of him as his own mind, made it very hard to even use the one claw. He would have healed, he would have survived. But not as a human. No human could survive the wound he just made on his arm.

He hoped beyond hope that no one was witness to his tragic end.

But someone was.

* * *

Koga had been on his way to visit Kagome when he smelled Inuyasha and Sesshomaru off to the west of the town. Intrigued, he moved downwind and approached silently to where he was just close enough to hear what they were saying. He knew the lord of the west would sense his presence, so he remained where he was until Sesshomaru left and only moved in when the daiyokai was far away. He was floored. Inuyasha has never gone through heat, before? Koga knew that meant trouble. Sesshomaru hadn't been exaggerating – a yokai in first heat was destructive if they didn't already have a potential mate. This was not something Koga could joke about with the dog, and not something he would. It was not a laughing matter.

He stopped suddenly and sniffed the air. Inuyasha's scent had changed. And there was blood. A lot of it. Koga ran, following the tangy smell that was now overpowering Inuyasha's. He couldn't help the gasp that escaped him when the hanyo came into view. Koga hurried over and lifted the face of the man who should be Inuyasha but looked so different. Brown eyes opened and widened in shock. Koga heard his heartbeat quicken.

"Ugh… not _you_ …"

"Dog Breath? Is that really you?"

Inuyasha laughed bitterly. "The weakest part of me, yep."

Koga grabbed Inuyasha's arm and lifted the sleeve up; it had fallen when the hanyo dropped his arm back to the ground. The deep gash was barely visible through all the blood. The human in front of him weakly tried to pull his arm back but to no avail. "You idiot. You bloody idiot. Are you mad?"

"Mad that I'm still alive. Go 'way, ya mangy wolf. Let me die in peace."

Koga jumped at a noise behind them and whirled around, letting go of Inuyasha's arm. There was a lesser boar demon salivating about ten feet away from them. Koga let out a vicious snarl and the boar skittered away. If he didn't hurry, more demons would show up to devour the hanyo. He turned and cut a strip of Inuyasha's inner haori off, tying it tightly around his arm just below the elbow. Inuyasha shouted in surprise at the sharp pain, then let out a string of curses when he was picked up. Koga hauled the protesting human over his shoulder and hurried off. Thankfully he knew these lands like the back of his hand, better than even the Eastern lord and lady, so it wasn't long before he found a cave. When he put Inuyasha down and leaned his back against the rock wall, he gently removed the haori. Inuyasha barely had the energy to speak, let alone stop Koga from undressing him. His breathing was labored and he looked deathly pale. "You idiot," Koga repeated. He removed the inner haori from the fire rat robe and wiped the arm clean. It wasn't bleeding nearly as much as before thanks to the makeshift tourniquet, giving Koga time to heal it. He picked up the arm and ran his tongue along it starting at the wrist.

Inuyasha used as much strength as he could to jerk his arm back. "What are you doing?! Get the hell away from me!"

"I'm trying to save your life, mutt!"

"I don't _want_ to be saved!" he hissed.

"Too bad," Koga growled. He took the arm back and pinned down Inuyasha's chest with his other hand. He produced extra saliva and managed to cover the whole wound with his tongue, closing it enough to stop the bleeding. As a human with his full strength, Inuyasha may have been able to struggle a bit against a lesser demon but Koga was a full, high class yokai. With the amount of blood that was lost, he was at the mercy of the wolf.

And he thought that Koga would be one of the worst to find out about his human night. Yet here they were, Koga refusing to let him die, _licking_ his arm and healing him. Inu and okami saliva held superior healing properties but it wouldn't replenish blood that was lost. They would have to wait out the night.

"I hate you."

Koga was dressing the wound with strips from Inuyasha's shirt. The only indication that the hanyo's words hurt him was a pause in his movements. His chest filled with pain and he continued with his work. "Hate me all you want. It's not gonna change anything."

"This doesn't change anything except how much I hate you. Now I hate you more."

Koga glared up at Inuyasha's brown eyes and gritted his teeth. "Why? Why do you want to die so badly?" He really wanted to ask why Inuyasha hated him so much, even before this. But he was hiding something that no one could know and asking that question would reveal to Inuyasha that he actually cared that the hanyo hated him.

"Because there's no point to living anymore. The jewel is gone. Naraku is dead. No one cares about me and no one would ever want a half breed for a mate. Why bother? But I'll save ya the sob story." His breathing was becoming more labored.

"You're being ridiculous. Your friends care about you, whether you can see it or not. Just because you've had it bad for the first hundred and fifty or so years of your life and then got pinned to a tree doesn't mean your life will always be bad. Yokai and humans mate with hanyo all the time, and you've only just come into maturity. There's a lot of time to find a mate. Don't you want that for yourself? What about Kagome?" He actually hated how Kagome treated Inuyasha, but he didn't dare say it in fear of revealing his secret.

"Keh," he scoffed lightly. "You'd think they care. You're just an outsider, what do you know? Trust me. They don't. At least not enough." Fuck Kagome, he thought. The wolf could have her. But he didn't have the energy for that conversation. "All you're doing is prolonging my miserable life for another month. I'll just do this again. Or maybe I'll use poison. You won't be able to heal that."

Koga growled low, but loud enough for the moron in front of him to hear. "I get that you've been handed the shit end of the shit stick, but to throw away your life for that – do NOT dishonor your parents like that! They went through hell for you. Your father DIED protecting you and your mother. Your mother endured abuse for you. _Do not make their sacrifices mean nothing!_ " Koga snarled the last sentence; Inuyasha's words hit a sore spot. His chest was heaving, his body trembling. Inuyasha had the decency to look surprised, and a little ashamed. "Even if you try again, I know when your human night is, now. I'll find you and I'll watch you like a bloody hawk. You are NOT dying on my watch. You are NOT dishonoring yourself or your parents on my watch."

How did Koga know those things about his parents? That struck a twinge of fear in his heart. What else did the wolf know about him? So he did what he does in uncomfortable situations – lash out. "What gives you the right to control my life?!" he bellowed. Koga raised an eyebrow; so that's what this was about? Control? "That's all anyone ever wants to do! Use me, control me, tell me I'm a danger to everyone around me – why the FUCK can't I make a decision for myself, for once?! And stop actin' like you care! NO ONE cares about me. No one ever has but my parents, and they're fuckin' DEAD. So _what_ if they died for me? That was THEIR CHOICE! My choices have been ripped from me my entire life, even now!" He was taking very labored breaths and his vision was a little blurry. He blinked a few times; that outburst took a lot out of him.

Koga was seething, but he also felt for the hanyo. So strongly. He wished he had the guts to tell him. "I'm not trying to control you, Mutt. I'm stopping you from making a decision you'll regret later."

"And _I'm_ tryin' ta tell _you_ that I _won't_ regret it." Inuyasha's eyes were half lidded and his heartbeat was slowing. "I've had enough adventures for a lifetime with barely anything to show for it. Death is the greatest adventure, and the only one I have left." Without any will left to live, he wasn't going to fight this. Koga was starting to panic.

"I will," he blurted out. This seemed to jolt the hanyo. He picked up his head and looked at Koga curiously.

"What? You will regret my decision to die?" But as soon as the spark of hope ignited, it blew out. "Don't tell me you care, after all this time."

Koga hesitated. "I do, okay? I dunno why, I just do. So shut up and stop using up your energy or you won't live through the night."

"I don't WANT to live through the night," Inuyasha growled impatiently. But he did wonder about what Koga said. Was it true? "And, I don't believe you."

"Believe me or don't, but if you don't fight for your life, I'll be forced to do something I _know_ you'll really hate me for and I'm pretty sure the threat of it alone will give you enough will to live to get through tonight."

Inuyasha scoffed. "Yeah? What's that?"

"I'll mark you. A pack mark, not a mating mark. It will give you enough of my energy and soul to replenish your blood fast enough, but you'll be stuck with me as part of your pack for the rest of your life. And don't even think about trying to kill yourself again; it won't work. I'll know and I'll be able to stop it."

Inuyasha looked horrified. "Why do you people want to force me to do things for your benefit?" His voice was soft and pained. Koga realized he made a mistake, but if it would keep the hanyo alive until tomorrow, it was worth it.

"It's not about control, it's about doing what's right."

"By controlling me." They shared a look, and Inuyasha turned his head away. He had no fight left in him. "Do what you want. I accept my fate of never having a choice of my own. We never talk about this again, ya hear?"

"Never again," Koga promised. He watched as the man before him fell into a labored sleep. Koga checked on him periodically to make sure his heartbeat hadn't slowed, his own heart aching for the stupid hanyo he had come to care about so much.

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**Thanks again for reading!**


	2. Babysitter

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or any of its characters.  
  
I hope you enjoy this chapter!**   
  


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Inuyasha jolted awake, realizing he fell asleep as a human for the first time in his life since his mother’s death. He shared a glance with Koga. “Were you awake all night?”  
  
“Yep.”  
  
This floored Inuyasha. “Why?”   
  
“I told you I wouldn’t let you die. That includes protecting your human form from other demons.”  
  
He looked down at his arm and blinked as he remembered the night. Koga finding him, Koga saving his life, Koga’s tongue on his wound, Koga wrapping his arm, Koga keeping watch over him while he slept. What was going on? His human ‘friends’ never offered to stay awake all night to watch over him and let him sleep. He cut the bandages off with his claw. They fell away to reveal a long scar, something he would have to take great care in hiding from the humans until he could run off and find a way to kill himself without Koga finding him.  
  
Just then, he felt a lurch in his abdomen. Nausea, anger. His yoki was fighting against his desire to die. This was going to be a problem. He sighed. His fire rat robe was covered in his blood, not that it really showed due to the color. He’d have to wash it and dry it in the sun before going back to the village.  
  
“You can go, now,” he told Koga, an annoyed tone to his voice.  
  
Koga was watching the now white-haired inu, trying to gauge the mood he was in. “I think I’ll stick around, actually. I was going to visit Kagome anyway, before I found you.”  
  
Inuyasha snarled. “I didn’t _ask_ you to save my ass.” Koga shrugged. “Whatever. Do what you want.” Those words triggered a memory from last night. His hand flew to his neck and shoulder. “You didn’t mark me, did you?” he asked, half worried, half furious.  
  
“Calm down, Dog Breath. You got yourself through on your own.”  
  
Inuyasha visibly deflated. “Thank the gods.”  
  
Koga gave him an odd look. If Inuyasha paid enough attention, he’d have felt the pain that stabbed the wolf’s heart. “You hate me that much, huh? That it disgusts you to even think of being part of my pack?”  
  
“Doesn’t it disgust you?” Inuyasha fired back.  
  
“No. Or else I wouldn’t have suggested it.”  
  
“Forced it, you mean,” the hanyo grumbled. He stood and grabbed his outer haori, stumbling a little. His body apparently wasn’t finished with replenishing the blood he lost.  
  
“Well then, in your terms, I wouldn’t force it on you to save your life if it disgusted me.”  
  
Inuyasha glanced strangely at the wolf demon. “You’re weird. This is weird. I’m going to wash.”  
  
Koga stayed put for a while to give the hanyo some privacy, but to also give himself time to process what just happened. Inuyasha’s words cut through him like knives. He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. He couldn’t help but feel bitter about his own situation. The half breed thought no one cared about him and wanted to die, which must be a horrible feeling Koga was sure. But Koga felt so deeply for someone who hated him and was disgusted by him. He wanted someone who would never want him back. Which was worse? He didn’t think it was fair to compare pain so he tossed that thought. But it also wasn’t fair of Inuyasha to take everything out on the person who saved his life. He didn’t know what Koga was going through. He didn’t know how sensitive Koga’s feelings really were. He didn’t know that Koga never wanted Kagome in the first place. Koga endured three long years of Inuyasha’s abuse, just as Inuyasha had endured Kagome’s. Though he had to say, he’d take Inuyasha’s abuse any day over what Kagome put the hanyo through.  
  
With a deep, calming breath, he stood, took off his armor, and made his way to the stream nearby. He had a lot of Inuyasha’s blood on him that he needed to wash off before going to the village. Inuyasha was still there, washing blood out of his hair. His fire rat haori was hanging on a tree in the sun. Koga gave the man space and waded into the water far enough away. He rinsed his pelts, his armor, and then his hair, not noticing Inuyasha’s glances.  
  
Inuyasha had to force his eyes away from the toned abs of the man he thought about when he rubbed one off yesterday just before Sesshomaru arrived. His cheeks burned with shame and humiliation. It was why he was so mean to the wolf. If he was anything less, he wouldn’t be able to keep his composure around Koga. It was simply physical attraction of course, but it was still embarrassing. He hated his recent realization that he was attracted to men. He knew Kagome’s thoughts on the matter and was just another reason to off himself. He didn’t know about the yokai world, but humans in this era punished same-sex couples with death. It was instilled in him when he was a kid living in that human town with his mother and it stayed with him ever since. It was another reason why he hated himself so much.  
  
The biggest reason, though, was the girl in the village he and Koga were now walking toward. Being around Kagome was draining on his psyche and his physical strength. He must have showed it because Koga kept eyeing him and it was getting annoying. “WHAT?!” he finally shouted.  
  
“Just wondering why your heart is beating so fast.” _‘And why you smell like fear.’_  
  
“It is not! And it isn’t any of your damn business. Stop tryin’ to be my friend. Remember, last night never happened.”  
  
Ouch. “You’re the one who brought it up, and only in your dreams would I ever be your friend.” _‘Gods forbid I actually care about you, asshole.’  
  
_ “Not in _my_ dreams.”  
  
Oof. He needed to stop goading Inuyasha to save himself from the pain the hanyo’s retorts caused him. He remained silent for the rest of the walk to the village, not noticing Inuyasha’s stare. The inu sensed and smelled the sudden pain in Koga and it confused him. His senses were getting better and he had gained a new power – empathy, though he did not know what it was called. He just knew that he was suddenly feeling other people’s emotions and energy, and it was driving him nuts. He didn’t know every emotion or smell people emitted, but he was slowly learning. He knew pain very well though, and it was plaguing the wolf next to him. He locked the bit of information away for later in case he ever needed it.  
  
The kit noticed him first, of course; he always did. But something was different about the kit’s enthusiasm this time. Shippo was a blur of red and blue as he ran at Inuyasha, screaming his name. He flew headfirst into the hanyo’s chest and was caught by strong arms. “OOF, Shippo! What the hell?”  
  
Koga lifted an eyebrow as if silently asking Inuyasha, ‘You sure no one cares about you?’ Inuyasha just bared his fangs at the wolf. Shippo had his face buried in the fire rat haori so he didn’t see or smell Koga, not even when he had been running at the inu. “I WAS SO WORRIED ‘CAUSE IT WAS YOUR HUMAN NIGHT –”   
  
“Shippo –”  
  
“AND WE COULDN’T FIND YOU AND I SMELLED YOU IN THE FOREST BUT YOUR SCENT DISAPPEARED –”  
  
“Shippo!”   
  
“AND THERE WAS BLOOD AND SESSHOMARU AND KOGA AND –”  
  
“SHIPPO!” Inuyasha picked him up and turned him toward the wolf.  
  
The fox was suddenly out of his safe space in Inuyasha’s chest and it startled him out of his rant. Then he noticed Koga. His little eyes went wide and he let out a squeal. “Koga! I didn’t know he was here! Oh NO I’M SO SORRY INUYASHA!” He started crying, thinking he betrayed the man he’d come to see as a big brother.  
  
Inuyasha brought Shippo back to his chest. “Calm down, runt. Koga knows.”  
  
“He – he what?”  
  
“He saw me as a human. Anyway, I was fine. I got through a hundred and fifty-three years of human nights and lived to see the morning.” He blinked at Shippo’s tears, shocked at the kit’s response to his absence. “You were really that worried?”  
  
“YES!” the kid wailed.  
  
He briefly noticed the humans in the distance, running to them. His heart dropped to his feet – he really didn’t want to deal with Kagome right now. “Oh… well, thanks, kid.”  
  
Shippo eyed Koga wearily. The wolf held up his hands in surrender. “Secret’s safe with me.”  
  
“How can I trust you?”  
  
“I dunno. You’re just gonna have to, I suppose.”  
  
He bared his teeth as he sniffed the air. “Why is the scent of Inuyasha’s blood on you, then?!”  
  
Koga and Inuyasha had to give him credit; he was aggressively defensive for such a young yokai. Koga glanced at the hanyo, who sighed, annoyed at having to make up a story on the spot. “I got a nasty cut as a human and Koga… helped me out.” It wasn’t wrong and it wasn’t the truth.  
  
“How? Why? Are you okay?” Shippo’s head turned back and forth between them with his questions, the first and third directed at Inuyasha.  
  
“Fine, kid. I’m alive, aren’t I?” The heavy meaning behind his words were not lost on Koga.  
  
“His blood attracted other demons and I couldn’t let a helpless human stay in the middle of the forest bleeding out, now could I?”  
  
Inuyasha growled. “I’ve spent a hundred and fifty-three human nights alone! Didn’t need you.”  
  
“Sure looked like you did. Pretty sure that boar demon shat itself after I scared it away.”  
  
Shippo still looked suspicious but he seemed to accept their story. Inuyasha huffed and turned his attention back to the kit. “Don’t tell anyone, okay?”  
  
“What? Why?”  
  
“The last thing I need is Kagome on my ass about it.”  
  
Kagome, Sango, Miroku, and Kirara were close and he wanted to stop talking about this. Now.  
  
Shippo’s eyes hardened. “Right. Got it.”  
  
“Thanks, kid.”  
  
Shippo gave Koga the side eye. “Thanks for keeping him safe.” He seemed comfortable around Koga now, something the wolf and the inu raised eyebrows at. Just a few minutes earlier, Shippo’s hackles were raised in defense of Inuyasha. After finding out Koga saved him from a boar demon, he seemed to relax. Another reason that they didn’t know was that Koga wasn’t making fun of Inuyasha about this whole heat thing, whatever that was. It meant it was very serious, but it also spoke volumes to the small fox. Something between Koga and Inuyasha had changed and he liked it, even though he didn’t know what it was.  
  
Ignoring Inuyasha’s ‘Keh!’, Koga nodded. “We canines have to stick together.” Shippo was pleased with that answer.  
  
“Inuyasha!”  
  
The hanyo visibly deflated. He glanced at Kagome, who looked _mad_. She was breathing hard from the run and finally stopped in front of him. “What?”  
  
But Koga, bless him, interrupted the tirade that was sure to come. He ran to her and grabbed her hands. With a brilliant smile, he greeted her. “My beautiful woman! How I’ve missed you! Don’t mind Dog Breath; come with me and we’ll have a picnic. Just us! I haven’t seen you since we defeated Naraku. Apologies, my love; I have been very busy.”  
  
Inuyasha furrowed his brows.  
  
She smiled sweetly at Koga. “Hi, Koga-kun. Ah, heh, m-maybe later. Sorry, but, I need to speak with Inuyasha.” The speed at which her expression and demeanor changed when she turned her attention back to Inuyasha was astounding. “What do you mean, ‘what’? You disappeared again! And on such a bad night to do it! And after what Sesshomaru said, we need to keep an eye on you! What did you two talk about when you went off alone, anyway?”  
  
He was at least grateful that she didn’t say what the night was. The last thing he needed was her finding out that Koga knew about his human night. He would never hear the end of it. “Yeah I did, so what? We have this conversation almost every day and I get sat for it every single time. I don’t have to tell you anything about what he told me. I am not your slave, or your mate, or your brother, or your anything.”  
  
She looked like she had been struck. “You’re… you’re my friend.”  
  
He laughed. “Am I?”  
  
“Yes!”  
  
“Whatever you say.” He snorted but he didn’t have the energy or the desire to continue that conversation, but she had other plans.  
  
“Why is that so funny?!”  
  
His muscles tensed. Both Koga and Shippo smelled fear on him. They gave each other a look. “Nothing, Kagome.”  
  
“It is not nothing! You obviously have something to say to me, so say it!”  
  
“I have no desire to get sat, thanks.”  
  
“If you weren’t so damn rude, you wouldn’t GET sat!”  
  
He flinched at the word that was so similar to the command. “Oh so you get to express your opinions fully but I get sat if I go against you. Okay. Here’s some truth for you. You want to know what Sesshomaru told me? I have to go away for a while until after mating season, which I am honestly glad about because you’re not allowed to come.”  
  
She blinked as shock took over her features. “What? Why?”  
  
“Because it’s the first time I’m going into heat. You heard him loud and clear yesterday.”  
  
“Yeah and I also heard that you’re a danger to others, just as I’ve been saying for years.” She sounded and looked smug. It made Koga want to rip her face off and feast on her throat. Inuyasha gave him a look and he hated that the dog was such a sensitive dog whose senses were maturing along with his body.  
  
Koga took this chance to try and distract himself from his anger and maybe keep Kagome off her war path. “Mutt Face, going into heat?”  
  
Inuyasha glanced at him funny again because Koga already knew that. Why was he acting like he didn’t?  
  
“That’s what Sesshomaru said,” Sango finally spoke. Though she didn’t sound all that convinced. “I admit I know next to nothing about the emotions and forces behind demon mating and heat, but Inuyasha wouldn’t hurt anyone.”  
  
Koga sent her a deadpan stare. “No, not intentionally and especially if he isn’t around you. A yokai in heat is a force you do not want to mess with but they can usually keep themselves under control. But for the first heat, if they don’t already have a partner or someone willing to keep them sated for the duration of the heat, they _will_ be dangerous to anyone around them.”  
  
“How dangerous?” Miroku asked, merely curious.  
  
Koga had the sense to not go into detail and Inuyasha was actually grateful. “Details don’t matter. What matters is that he stay far away from here.” He turned to Inuyasha. “I suggest finding some willing partner and holing yourselves up in a cave or something. If you can’t find one, find a babysitter who’ll make sure your chains hold.”  
  
“What?! That’s ridiculous!” Kagome’s scent was rolling with fury and jealousy. “Human men and women have urges but they can stop themselves! He can stay right here with us and he’ll be fine.”  
  
Koga switched tactics. He took her hands again and stared lovingly into her eyes. Inuyasha rolled his eyes but he caught onto something that he never noticed before, probably because he was too busy trying to get the wolf away from Kagome. Koga was not feeling or smelling anything like what he was portraying to her. He was faking it. “My dearest wife-to-be, we yokai are not humans. We work in very different ways and, at our most primal, go by instinct alone. When we are in the throes of the first heat or mating, logic kind of flies out the window. The last thing I want is for him to rape you.”  
  
Inuyasha choked and sputtered. “I WILL NOT RAPE HER! What the fuck, Koga!” He really thought he and the wolf had an understanding back in the cave, that something changed between them, so for Koga to say this was… painful. Inuyasha was so hurt by his insinuation that he almost missed the look Koga gave him. Then he smelled guilt and now he was all kinds of confused.  
  
Koga felt that pain and he felt guilty about it. He hadn’t meant to hurt Inuyasha, he was just trying to get Kagome off his back. He made sure to catch the hanyo’s eye and sent him a look that meant, ‘I’m only acting.’ “None of you are safe. Not you, the slayer, the monk, or anyone in this village. Except children, of course.”  
  
Shippo piped up. “I was wondering why you weren’t making fun of him for this.”  
  
Koga looked at him with a serious face. “I was tempted but it is no laughing matter. I was lucky that I already had a partner when I went through my first heat. We fucked like rabbits for days. If not for them, I dunno what I would’ve done.”  
  
Kagome looked like she was about to faint. Sango’s face was beet red and Miroku just chuckled.  
  
“Koga! There’s a child present!” Sango scolded.  
  
“You mean he knows nothing about sex and mating?” Koga asked, genuinely shocked. He looked at Shippo. “Have they taught you nothing?”  
  
“Of COURSE he doesn’t know about that stuff!” Kagome exclaimed, finally finding her voice. “He’s just a kid!”  
  
“He should know. Yokai don’t withhold information from their children, even ones as young as him.”  
  
“That’s barbaric!”  
  
“Being truthful is barbaric?” he asked cautiously. This was actually the most he’s talked to Kagome in these three years and he wasn’t liking it at all.  
  
“Talking about… about… what adults do in their private time around kids IS barbaric, yes!”  
  
“As I told you before, yokai are not humans,” Koga said carefully, working hard to control his anger. Both Inuyasha and Shippo were looking at him oddly. “We are not private about much of anything except for performing the act itself, so our children know all about it. The only reason why Dog Breath is embarrassed right now is because he was raised around humans.”  
  
Kagome was at a loss. Her jaw was hanging open and her cheeks were beet red. “N… I… next you’re going to tell me it’s okay for people of the same gender to be together. Good lord, this is madness.”  
  
“Well, yeah. It is.” Koga almost laughed at the look on her face, and Inuyasha’s. “The humans in this era punish that with death. Yokai, not so much. On that note, my yokai lesson is done and I must be going now.” He grabbed Kagome’s shoulders and leaned in so close that their bodies were almost touching. “Until we meet again, my lovely wife.” He turned toward Inuyasha, reveling in the fact that he had rendered Kagome speechless. “Remember, get a babysitter and a way to keep you locked up.”  
  
“I could do it,” Miroku suggested. “My sutras could hold him in a cave. I could make it so that the person who is with him will be the only one who can remove the sutras.”  
  
“What if that person is a yokai?” Sango asked, an odd look in her eyes. They could all see the gears turning in her head.  
  
“Hmm… I think I can make it work without the sutras burning them.”  
  
She smiled triumphantly. “Then Koga can do it.”  
  
Koga sputtered. “W-what? Me? Babysit _him?_ ” This was bad on so many levels. Locked in a cave with the person he had feelings for, the hanyo in heat, for days. So much could go very, very wrong.  
  
“NOT happening!” Inuyasha shouted.  
  
“Why not?” Kagome asked, shock wearing off. “It’s perfect. You hate each other. Who better to keep your… hormones in check than the person you hate?”  
  
“I am not babysitting him.”  
  
Kagome was surprisingly on board with this. “Please, Koga? Please do it for me? You said yourself you didn’t want him to rape me, right? You’d be doing us all an enormous favor.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“No!”  
  
“Guys,” Miroku interjected, “please listen to reason. Inuyasha has no one else who hates him but won’t kill him, and no one else who can stay in the cave with him. I’d do it, but even Sesshomaru-sama said to pick a yokai.”  
  
Koga was about to protest again, but his eyes caught the little fox’s. Shippo was staring up at him with puppy eyes and Koga just couldn’t resist. “Please, Koga?”  
  
Koga broke. He sighed frustratedly. “Fine. FINE! But you all better hope I don’t kill him.”  
  
Sango’s eyebrow raised. She wondered why Koga resisted them but could not resist Shippo. That was interesting.   
  
“I know you won’t!” Shippo said encouragingly.  
  
“Oh for fuck’s sake.”  
  
“Inuyasha!” Kagome chided. “Language!”  
  
“He’s heard it all, already!” the hanyo snarled, motioning to Shippo.  
  
“Because of you!”  
  
“Aaand on that note, I’ll be going now. Mutt Face, I’ll be back for your ass in three days. Do try not to do anything stupid until then. Can’t believe I’m agreeing to this.” He left in a whirlwind.  
  
Sango clapped her hands together. “Well! I think we have a good, solid plan here. Miroku, let’s test those sutras, shall we?”  
  
“On it, Sango my love!”  
  
She rolled her eyes but blushed.  
  
Kagome still looked uneasy. “Yeah, I just wish I could be the one to help you through it, Inuyasha.”  
  
Inuyasha looked miserable. “I hate you all.” Luckily, everyone including Kagome laughed. Well, everyone except Shippo. He seemed to understand that this was a very serious matter and refused to make light of it. Inuyasha was grateful. “Except Shippo. And Kirara. At least they understand.”  
  
“Awww don’t be mad,” Kagome cooed. She continued to make fun of him on the rest of the way back to the village.   
  
“I’ll never make fun of you for this,” the kit in his arms whispered.  
  
“Thanks, Shippo,” Inuyasha muttered back.  
  


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**Thanks for reading!**


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